During the Christmas season, my Nan would often say:

"Every time a bell rings,
an angel gets genital warts.
And that stuff itches
like the Dickens."

Nanna didn't allow bells in her house.

Never forget the true meaning of Christmas: killing Pagans and stealing their holidays.

erry Christmas!

Ingrid Elkner So the Holy Ghost just whispered in the Virgin Mary's ear and she was great with child? Did he have a penis tongue or sperm-breath or something?
2,011 years ago - comment - like

Ingrid Elkner I wonder if John Wayne Bobbitt's penis aches when it's about to rain. Especially when the rain is particularly... choppy?
18 years ago - comment - like

Nanna once said:

"I like it when an elderly gentleman flashes me in the park. It reminds me
I need to buy prunes."

Silly Nanna.

WARNING: May cause side effects such as falsetto singing, looking like a creepy white woman, and wetting the bed. Dr. Conrad Murray's Sleep Aid is not suitable for people who want to live.

Ingrid Elkner I've just figured out what I need to have a million dollars..... And that's a million dollars.
43 minutes ago - comment - like

turkey slap

Woman seeks man
For friendship and more.
My hobbies include stripping
antique furniture, sexing
parrots, touching my pussy
with animal reiki, and wrapping my mouth around
a nice cold icypole on a summer’s day.
Need a man for long, hot nights of
putting up shelving, afternoons of wet
weather driving lessons, and looking at tits
and finches in my bird-watching book.
Must be up for unambiguous sexual intercourse.
Call 9915 4083 to leave a LoveMatch message.

SOYLENT GREEN isn't really people.
They just told us that because if we knew
it was organic vegies and soy meat
we'd never eat it.

Ingrid Elkner I've just figured out the ecological cause of blue-green algae - Captain Planet having sex with Smurfette in dams. Nature is fucking gross.
2 hours ago - comment - like